Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters, they belong to Sunrise and Toei. I also don't own the concept of "Will & Grace", that belongs to NBC.
Author's Notes: Okay, time for another Gundam guy. Now, if any of you are completely lost on what this show is about, it's a "Will & Grace" parody with Relena and Heero in the title roles. Duo is Jack, with Hilde as his partner (but she's not Karen; that privilege is reserved for Dorothy). Now, there will be no pairings, whether straight or yaoi/yuri. And if any of the characters are going to get into a relationship, then it will be with someone who was a minor character from the show.
Wing & Grace (Episode 3)
Heero had just arrived home from the Preventers head quarters. He had gotten a job! Relena would be so proud of him.
"It's my duty to protect her. Glad to know that joining the Preventers will make it even better. At least they'll let me use guns and I won't get arrested!"
He looked around to find out that he had been talking to himself in a spacious and empty apartment.
"Aw crap. I've been talking to myself again. Geez. Relena really is rubbing off on me."
The Perfect Soldier was bored. He sorted out his spandex shorts and guns last week. He knew that Relena would never go near his precious collection, and as for Duo... Well, he made sure that the American pilot would know the consequences of disobeying the Perfect Soldier's instructions.
"I guess I could make room for my new work equipment."
He did just get a new uniform and regulation gun, taser, night-stick, and other assorted law-enforcement paraphernalia.
"But since I'm working, I guess this all classifies into the work category. Ooh! I should start a work category. Hn. Guess that's done."
Heero started to survey the apartment. Ever since he found himself, he did have an unexplained urge to shop with Relena, clean the house, and dance. Things that were closely associated to the effeminate tastes.
"Although, I get the nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something..."
Relena stood stranded in front of the embassy. The assembly had dragged on since the morning, and it was already late into the evening. She remembered that she told Heero that she was only a block away.
But he had probably gone home hours ago.
Relena hoped that she would find Dorothy (which was a highly unlikely possibility), or another crowd gathered around a former Gundam pilot.
To her surprise, and with her luck, there was another group of rowdy young male politicians. They seemed to be hooting and hollering even more so than usual.
"Is that Duo again?" Relena asked herself. "Good God, I hope he's not using the dress I lent him last Sunday."
Hoping that her luck would hold, Relena went to investigate. She pushed through the horny men, receiving the same treatment like the last time that happened.
"Coming through! Excuse me. Hey! Watch those hands, mister!"
Finally coming close to the centre of the crowd, she saw a girl.
This girl had a large feather in her brown hair, which curled out at the ends (creating a very bouncy look), grey eyes, a green star earring, and she wore a low cut purple dress. The skirt billowed out, from which a pair of purple leotards peeked out, and led to a pair of dainty purple slippers.
She was energetically prancing around the ring of men, waving posters around and handing them out to their open hands.
"Do you like the big top? How about costumes? Or bright lights? Maybe you prefer acrobatics and trapeze acts?" she asked perkily and enthusiastically.
This only made the group of males holler and cat-call even more. Some even had the audacity to say things that would cause a scandal worthy of the paparazzi and the other trashy tabloids.
Relena was a bit disappointed. If she could find any familiar Gundam pilot who worked within the big top, it would have been Trowa Barton. Or so she was told.
"You can have a good time watching me perform!" cried the girl.
"Woohoo! Yeah baby! Work it!" they hollered.
Relena just rolled her eyes in disgust. "Straight men," she muttered under her breath.
"Then you can see me tonight... At the circus!"
The excitement died all of a sudden, replaced by many disappointed groans, and the crowd of men began to disperse.
"Damn, I thought she was a hooker," said one man.
"She even dressed like one too," another added.
The girl just looked confused as the crowd she attracted started to leave.
"Come back! I'm one of the main attractions! Along with Trowa Barton and his lion taming act!" she called out.
Relena was also just about to leave too, but when she heard the name "Trowa Barton", she turned her attention back to the girl. She carefully approached her.
"Hello. I'm Relena Peacecraft Dorlain."
"Of course! The former Queen of the World. Trowa told me about you."
Relena blushed. "Oh. So you know Trowa?"
The circus girl just smiled. "Well, he's my brother."
"Trowa never told me he had a sister."
"That's Trowa for you. He's one of the strong and silent types. He barely even opens up to me."
"I can't keep calling you 'Trowa's sister', so do you have a name?"
"Nice to meet you, Catherine. I hope you don't mind if I ask this, but is Trowa here?"
Catherine sadly shook her head. "Unfortunately, no. He's back at the circus, working with the animals, helping set up."
Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. "Well, I'd like to visit Trowa and see how he's doing. Unfortunately, I don't have a ride back home."
Catherine just waved off the inconvenience. "It's no problem. I'm sure Trowa wouldn't mind bringing you home. It'll give you two some more time to catch up on all the lost years."
Relena smiled. "Thanks."
The purple clad girl looked at her wrist watch. "Well, I guess I can take you to the circus grounds myself. My shift's almost over. I sure drew a crowd, but I wonder what drove them away..."
Relena tried to stifle a giggle, or two. "Well, you know men. They sure are unpredictable creatures."
"I have gone through life with an absent brother, suddenly he comes out of the blue; but he doesn't remember me. And one day, he tries to kill himself and the rest of us in a mobile suit battle! He joins the military, gets himself blown up, and I find him wandering the streets with amnesia!"
Catherine continued her recollections about her brother's misadventures as Relena just shook her head and smiled. That's the Gundam pilots for you.
Dorothy Catalonia wondered what the hell she was doing passed out in her car.
And why did the air smell of animals, popcorn, and peanuts?
Rubbing her aching head, a side-effect of her hand-over, she began to recount the previous hours events.
Mental checklist. Dropped off Miss Relena and friends, went for drinks with a friend, and then... Okay, I'm drawing a blank. That's not good. Did I do something illegal yet? If I did, it better bring in a lot of cash for me.
While the split-eyebrow girl was lost in her thoughts, someone coughed. She finally realized she was not alone in the vehicle.
"So you're finally awake. I was worried about you," said a soft voice.
"Oh, don't worry about me, honey. I can take care of myself."
"You really scared me Miss Catalonia! I never knew you had that big of a capacity for your liquor."
"There's a lot of things that you don't know about me. And please, call me Dorothy. Anyways, back to business. Thinking about making me a partner?"
The other person in the car hesitated. "I don't know. Getting you involved in the company would be quite risky, considering your reputation and all."
"So I used to work within Romefeller. And not many people know about the peaceful protest I put together during the Mariemaia coup."
"And that was all well and good, but not many people will believe you."
"They will if I have you backing me up on my story."
"Okay, you have a point. But how will having you around benefit my company?"
"I can take care of the dirty laundry. You know, corporate take-overs, mergers, aggressive bargaining, and other miscellaneous inconveniences of the business world."
"Considering that this is you, Dorothy Catalonia, I am expecting that you will be using some pretty under handed techniques. I don't know how that will affect the morality of the other workers."
Dorothy frowned. "Please, let me come on board. Aren't I your friend?"
"Well, I don't know... Okay!"
"Thanks darling. You're too kind."
Dorothy squinted out the darkly tinted windows. She could faintly make out the pinpoints of bright lights, and she could hear music. It was probably night time, considering how much martinis, scotch on the rocks, and vodka ices she had.
"Uh, where are we?" she asked.
"Can you tell me why we're here?"
The other person paused. "Well, it looks like someplace fun to be."
With a click, one of the car doors opened, and Dorothy felt strong hands lift her up and help her out of the vehicle.
The circus grounds were coming into view as Catherine's car came closer to its destination.
Relena shifted uncomfortable in the brightly coloured little jalopy that the circus owned. It was supposed to be a clown car.
It didn't surprise her that Trowa was the exception to the rule. He wasn't what she would call a funny clown.
"We're almost there!" Catherine said cheerfully.
The princess noticed that this girl was the complete opposite of her brother. No surprise. They did live apart for like most of their lives.
"That's nice to know. I can't wait to catch up on old times. Does he still keep in touch with Quatre?"
Catherine only tilted her head to the side in thought. Her brown curls seemed to have a life of their own as they bobbed with the motion. "Mmm... Nope! They kinda lost touch ever since Quatre got involved in the family business. It's too bad that he's doesn't visit the circus grounds now." She let out a wistful sigh.
"Did you- I mean, do you like Quatre? I mean, like like?"
"Well, he was very nice to keep for company. He and Trowa were so close, it made me wonder..."
Relena had just brought Catherine's attention back to the road, where a large telephone pole was coming closer and closer.
The two girls were jerked back and forth like rag dolls and the airbags exploded in their faces with a "boffa-boffa" honking sound, and the novelty horn that played "March of the Gladiators" began to blare from under the hood.
The ringmaster, a large bearded fellow with mustache too, came running up to the scene.
"Catherine Bloom! This is the third clown car you crashed this month! I don't know how many times we can keep hauling this hunk of junk into the shop. I don't even know if we have any money left for this one!"
Catherine wearily, yet quickly, shoved the door open and stepped before the ringmaster. She kneeled on the grass and bowed her head in apology.
"I'm sorry sir."
The ringmaster leaned to the side to get a better view to survey the damage. He saw Relena's head buried into one of the polka dot airbags.
"And look at this! You had a passenger with you?! You could have gotten her hurt. Think of how much she could sue us for!"
Relena finally peeled her face off the fluffy cushion. "Oh... My head..." she managed to groan.
The ringmaster ran up to the passenger side and helped the poor girl out of the ruined vehicle.
"I'm sorry there, miss. I hope that there won't be any lawsuits against us."
She fixed her disheveled hair and thanked the man in front of her. "I'm fine sir. And I won't press charges. I heard about your financial troubles... Perhaps I may donate something?"
The circus manager was shocked. "I don't know what to say ma'am."
"Just say yes." She had already drawn out her check book and tore out the written piece of paper. "It seems that I've had a lot of money to give out these past few weeks."
Grateful, he took the check and thanked Relena.
The tender moment of charity was suddenly broken by the sound of:
"What the hell is going on here?! I heard a loud crash just as I was about to pass out again, and then- Miss Relena!"
Dorothy had stopped short of her complaint when she saw her employer on the scene.
"Miss Relena, sorry about stranding you at the building... Heh heh heh..."
"It's okay. Just as long as you can bring me home."
Dorothy just bowed and went to retreat into one of the circus tents.
Suddenly, Trowa came running out from the biggest tent, bare-chested and with his large and baggy clown pants on.
"What's going on here? I heard a crash and then Cathy's name..." He looked around to see his sister sitting on the ground, looking quite sorry for herself. He ran up to her and helped her up. "Cathy! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine Trowa, now that Relena is here to help. She bailed me out of this one."
"Well, it's good to know that you've gotten out of this mess. Next time we're off of work, I'm taking you to the DMV to get you your license- Did you say Relena?"
"I haven't seen her for years! Where is she?"
The Bloom sister pointed at the Peacecraft girl, who was beginning to wander away from the accident.
"Thanks Cathy. And next, time I'm going with you to make sure you pass this time."
"Just go! I don't need an over-protective brother."
"Yeah. All I need is an over-protective sister."
"Exactly. Now go!"
Trowa nodded and headed off.
Relena thought she saw someone familiar among the circus cast.
But, it was now dark. Oh well, it might as well have been another clown.
Suddenly, she heard the sound of running footsteps, and turned around to find Trowa trying to catch up with her. She stopped and he slowed down his pace. He stopped when he was finally beside her.
"Hey Relena," Trowa said quietly.
Their pace had slowed down to a stroll.
"Hello Trowa. It's been quite a while since we've seen each other." She offered him a warm smile.
Trowa returned the expression with a lopsided half smile.
"I see you're still not one to talk after all these years."
Trowa merely nodded.
"You're one of the Gundam pilots that I knew the least. The other is Wufei."
"What can you tell me about the others?"
"Well... I'm still Vice Foreign Minister. I've turned the mansion into an apartment complex. Heero is now my room mate."
The silent pilot raised an eyebrow. "Isn't he..."
"Yes, he is. He's my live-in bodyguard."
"Duo and Hilde stopped running their scrap metal business and are moving into show biz. That isn't the only thing they've managed to move into. They've rented the apartment across the hall from mine. Just this morning, I sent Heero off to find a job with the Preventers, and Duo and Hilde decided to tag along. I just made a call to Lady Une to let them have the job, and she agreed, so no worries there.
"I'm sure Wufei and Sally are still with the Preventers. And, oh yes, Dorothy is my secretary."
"What about Quatre?"
"Actually, I haven't really heard from him after a while. I was thinking that you'd keep in touch with him."
"Seems we've all been busy with our lives."
"It's not like we all a chance to sit down and actually have tea together."
"Yeah, I guess."
Relena looked down at her watch. "Oh my! It's quite late. I shouldn't be keeping you from your work. You might have a show tonight!"
Trowa managed to let out a chuckle. "It's no problem. Right now, we're just setting up. The real show doesn't start until next week. Here." Trowa dug deep into the large pockets of his ridiculously oversized pants and handed Relena two tickets.
"What are these for?"
"These are for the first big show next Saturday. I'm expecting you and Heero to be there."
"What about Duo and Hilde?"
"Those are the only tickets I have in my pockets. Wish I had more, but then it'd be out of my paycheck. A clown's gotta eat."
Relena hugged the boy as a show of thanks and ran off to find her secretary.
"So Dorothy, how was your day?" Relena asked as Dorothy drove.
"How did you know I was at a business meeting?! You can't prove anything!" Dorothy snapped back.
"I didn't say that you were."
"Just ignore that Miss Relena."
"The alcohol is making you lose your touch."
"My fencing foils are in the trunk. You want to mess with that?"
Relena shut up. It was not a good thing to mess with Dorothy, drunk or sober.
After a few silent minutes, the big golden limousine halted in front of the apartment mansion.
"Uh... Thank you Dorothy. Are you sure you don't want to stay over until the effects wear off?"
"Miss Relena, I'm a strong woman, and I don't need your pity. I'll be fine. And besides, this thing is big enough for me to sleep in. So don't be surprised if you find this thing outside in the morning."
"I'll be sure not to let the tow trucks haul you away."
"Thank you. Good night."
"Good night Dorothy. And it'll be a welcome change to find you early for work."
End Episode 3
Additional Author's Notes: I hope that you liked Trowa's appearance in this episode. Even if it is a small one. Do not fret! He will make more in the future! Oh yes, can any of you guess who was in the car with Dorothy?