Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters, they belong to Sunrise and Toei. I also don't own the concept of "Will & Grace", that belongs to NBC.
Author's Notes: If anyone noticed, Duo is Jack! Or at least the much more hyper version of Jack (anyone more hyper than Jack, I'd like to see Duo try!). If you have no idea what the hell I'm writing about, read the pilot episode. Enjoy!
Wing & Grace (Episode 1)
The morning had proceeded peacefully, until the inhabitants of the apartment woke up.
"OH HEEEEEROOOOO!!!" shrieked Relena. "Come and get it!"
The Perfect Soldier, jerked out of his slumber, comically fell off the couch and half-crawled/half-stumbled into the kitchenette.
"You're finally awake. I knew that would get your attention."
Heero rubbed his ears and reached for the coffee pot. "Do you still have to do that?"
"It's the only thing that'll get your attention. Now, what do you say to some pancakes?"
"It's the weekend. I'm off."
"It always the last weekend of the month. Unless there are any religious or civil holidays. I remember."
Relena flipped a pancake a pit too hard and turned to look at Heero in surprise. "You memorized my schedule?"
"Of course. I have to watch over you." Heero took a sip straight from the pot. "Mm... Relena, in five seconds, I'd step to the left if I were you."
"Because there's a pancake stuck to the ceiling and it's slowly peeling off."
"Okay. How many seconds left now?"
The pancake came back down and landed on her head.
"Told you so."
The door burst open and Duo dramatically pranced inside. "Bring in the booze and break out the bong! Duo is in the house!"
"Do you always have to barge in like that?" Relena asked, quite annoyed.
"Hey, Heero's home is now my home."
"No, it's not," said Heero while taking a small bit of pancake.
Heero looked up and saw that Duo had bared his nails and Relena's hand was edging towards the large knife on the counter.
"I left my tranquilizer gun in my other pants. Hold on." The Perfect Soldier left the kitchenette area and made his way to one of the hall closets.
With him gone, Relena and Duo dropped the act.
"We've got to stop," said Relena softly.
"I know. I get that Heero is still under the impression that we hate each other?"
Relena nodded her head.
"Have you two killed each other yet?" Heero called out.
"NO!" they cried in unison.
"Good, because I have to find the darts and load the gun."
"We have five seconds," warned Relena.
"I can't do this," muttered Duo.
"I've loaded the gun!" Heero then came back totting a small pistol.
"Do what? Act like a bitch?" retorted Relena.
"Oh! Takes one to know one!" Duo then proceeded to pull his eye-lid down and stick his tongue out.
Relena made a grab for the knife, but Heero was the quick draw.
The blonde girl collapsed before she could even make it to the handle.
"Ha!" Duo proceeded to do a little victory dance.
But not before he was promptly shot in the behind.
"Sleepy... Night-night..." gurgled Duo, and he fell with a "Thunk!" on the floor.
Heero looked around at his handiwork.
"Hmm... They'll be out for an hour. Time to sort out my wardrobe and weapons collection."
Hilde had arrived at the front door of Relena's apartment and knocked quietly.
"Why is Duo taking so long in there? Hasn't he told them yet?"
The door opened and she found herself being stared down by Heero Yuy.
"You must be Relena's new roommate! You're Heero, right? Of course you are! Duo told me so much about you! Speaking of him, is Duo in there?"
"No wonder Duo seems to get along so well with you," muttered Heero. "Yeah, yeah. Get inside."
He ushered the girl inside, and Hilde gasped at the the unconscious forms of Duo and Relena on the floor. Then she looked at the various firearms, green tank tops, and black spandex shorts scattered on the couch.
"Did I miss something?"
Hilde walked over to Duo and started to yank on his braid. "Um... How long until this wears off?"
The German girl smiled nervously. "That's nice to know. My, you're quite the talker!"
Hilde's eye twitched. "Hoo-kay. I'll just stick around until the two of them wake up."
Hilde walked over to the living area and looked for a spot to sit down. "Can you make some room for me on the couch?"
"Then I'll just stand." She scanned the weapons lined up in the area. Her eyes widened and she happily picked up a small pistol. "Wow! An OZ major's semi-automatic pistol! One ninety-four model! I haven't seen one of these in years!"
Heero just raised an eye brow, surprised that this girl knew her firearms. "Yeah. I stole it off some officer in some backwater base."
Hilde blinked and looked at Heero. "You have any more guns? I'm looking for something in particular."
"Okay... Let me think... Cadet handgun, one-ninety five model... Oh yeah! Moon base regulation!"
Heero automatically reached for a a black and sleek pistol. "This it?"
"Of course!" Hilde took the weapon from him. "I haven't seen one of these since my volunteer days for OZ... You got any more?"
"You like guns?"
"I don't like them. I just know them. I had to study them in order to pass the test and become a private."
"Did you pass?"
"No. I wanted to take it again, but before I had another chance, I met Duo."
"And the rest, they say, is history."
Duo and Relena woke up to the sound of laughter.
Okay, it was just one girl's laughter and some guy choking out a few chuckles.
"Oh... My head..." groaned Relena.
"Did anyone happen to get the number of that bus?" mumbled Duo.
"You're finally awake."
"Duo! I was worried about you! How do you ever manage to get into these things?"
Both teens got up and groggily made their way to one of the armchairs poised on each side of the couch. They both set their sights for the same seat.
"Hey! I saw it first!" cried Duo.
"It's my house, so it's my furniture, so it's my seat."
"See, that's why I had to tranq them. They act like children," said Heero.
Hilde nodded her head in agreement. "Mm-hmm. Count on Duo to pick fights. He just loves to play butch!"
Duo was sitting on the couch, but was frantically trying to wrestle Relena off his lap. He stopped and looked up at his friend.
"Hilde, why are you here?"
"I was looking for you. Didn't you tell them the news?"
"You forgot. Well, I might as well break it for you." Hilde sighed and stood up. "We have an announcement. Duo and I are moving into the apartment next door!"
Heero and Relena's eyes widened.
Relena stared down at Duo. "Why didn't you tell me sooner!"
"Hey! If you hadn't been the one who started the fights..."
"You just show up and bring trouble to yourself..."
Heero picked up a pistol and fired.
The bullet embedded itself into the head rest of the armchair.
"Quiet! I'm sick and tired of you two bickering all the time. Since Duo and Hilde are going to move in, I think that you two should be civil to each other."
Hilde sidestepped so that she was beside Heero. "Look at me and Heero. We're getting along fine. Now, I want you two get together and make your peace."
"From now on, you two are going to spend whatever free time you have for this weekend together! Starting now!" Heero stomped on the floor for emphasis and pointed the gun at their heads.
Relena and Duo hung their heads and muttered their apologies.
"Good. Hilde and I will leave you two to kiss and make up."
"I'm not kissing that," they said together.
Heero and Hilde sighed. Looking at each other, they left the apartment.
"Damn. I think we let our little act go too far," said Duo.
"I wouldn't think of it as that bad," said Relena. "At least I won't have Heero in my hair anymore."
"I thought you were crazy about him!"
"Well, after having him move in with me out of the blue, bringing in all his weapons, and then waking up in the middle of every night to find him hovering over me with a gun in hand has really changed my mind."
"He watched over you? With a gun? Wow."
"And that's why he's now sleeping on the couch."
Another awkward silence settled over them.
"What do we do now?"
"Help you move in your stuff next door?"
"Actually, across the hall."
"Alright, alright... Across the hall?"
Hilde and Heero returned back to the apartment hall to find that the doors across from each other were wide open and boxes littered their way.
Soon they heard muttered yelling.
"AH! Stop Duo! Mercy! Mercy!"
"This is for calling me tacky!"
The sounds of a struggle and terrified cries ensued.
Heero and Hilde looked at each other with realization. They feared the worst.
"Oh God. They're finally going to kill each other," muttered Heero.
"You still have the tranquilizer gun, right?" asked Hilde.
The two nodded in acknowledgement and then began to take off running, as they followed the noise. The awful din was coming from Duo and Hilde's new apartment!
Picking up the pace, they skidded to halt right outside the open doors.
The couldn't believe what they saw.
It was mess.
Splattered on the walls.
And Duo hovered over Relena's body with some suspicious red substance on his hands and on her clothes.
Duo then turned his attention to the door at waved happily at the newcomers. "Hi Hilde! Hi Heero!"
"Duo, what did you do?!" cried Hilde.
"I'm getting back at Relena."
"What did she do?" Heero inquired apprehensively.
"She was looking at one of my show dresses and said that I looked tacky in it! I had to do it."
"But you didn't have you-" he started.
"Melt my lipstick in the microwave and then chase me around with that goo in your hands!" finished Relena.
"You're alive!" cried Hilde.
"Of course I'm alive! What did you think happened?" Relena looked around at the mess the made in the room and on her clothes. "Oh."
"You thought the God of Death has come to claim her?" Duo smirked roguishly.
"Uh, in other words, yeah."
"Hell no! We're doing peachy-keen!"
Duo got off of Relena and helped her up to her feet.
"Sorry about the mess," apologized Relena. "I'll go get something to clean this up." And with that, Relena left the apartment to go to hers.
"I'll help her." Duo followed after the Peacecraft girl.
"Well, it seems that they're getting along," commented Hilde.
"A bit too much."
"A big difference that a day makes."
"Are you scared?"
"Very much so."
Duo and Relena were making their way back to their respective apartments after an exciting day of shopping.
Duo stretched out his arms and yawned. "Once we pull this thing off, we can get off scott free!"
"No more pretending we hate each other!"
"Who said I was pretending?"
Relena shot him an evil look.
They hopped into the elevator.
"Okay, you ready?" asked Duo.
"If you have me dressed up like this, then yes. I'm beyond the point of no return, so I have no choice to be ready."
"Although I do feel pretty bad that we're leaving Hilde and Heero out of the fun we had today."
Duo tapped his head. "Oh, they'll soon be part of the fun!"
Relena smiled. "Okay! It's settled! I wonder how they're doing right now..."
Heero and Hilde relaxed on the couch that Heero was sleeping on, waiting for their respective roommates to return.
"Goodness, it's been a hectic weekend!" exclaimed Hilde.
"Now it's Sunday," replied Heero.
"Funny how they're spending every waking moment together ever since you proposed the idea that they try and tolerate each other."
"Yes, very suspicious. But Duo's getting to know Relena a lot better than I ever will. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous."
"Think they're done in with their shopping trip?"
"This is their second one since I moved in."
Some giggling and laughter outside the door alerted them that the two buddies had finally come back from their excursion.
Heero, finished with tapping his foot impatiently, got up from his couch and made his way to the door with Hilde.
Standing side by side, they through the door open, to find Duo and Relena's backs huddled together outside of the neighbouring door.
It was suspicious how Duo's brown hair was a little bit shorter, and Relena's blonde hair was a little longer.
"They must have had a day at the beauty parlor," whispered Hilde.
"Okay ladies, fun time is over now," announced Heero.
The two figures turned around.
Something was strange about them. Relena had violet eyes to go with her longer hair, and Duo's eyes were green to go along with his shortened braid.
Then it dawned on them.
Relena was Duo and Duo was Relena!
Heero and Hilde gasped. Then they screamed out of terror.
Duo looked at Relena. "Damn! We should have gone with the contact lenses! Sorry I didn't take your word for it."
"It's okay. What's an extra hundred between friends?"
"Oh, when we're done, you can have you skirt back." Duo tugged at the piece of clothing. "It's riding on me."
Relena tugged at the collar of the priest suit. "This thing's chaffing me. I don't know how you deal with the flared out legs."
"Alright! This has gone too far!" cried Heero. "You're now even dressing alike!"
"Listen, Duo, I've tried to be a good roommate, but I think you're taking this being nice to Relena thing way too seriously," said Hilde.
"You know, maybe I was hoping for too much when I suggested this stupid thing in the first place. Go back to the old routine!"
"But in the old routine we used to insult each other," said Duo.
"And we took every opportunity to bicker and argue," added Relena.
Hilde stepped forward into the hall to try and explain things calmly. "What Heero is trying to say is that we're happy that you're getting along."
"Who can ever resist the old Duo charm?"
"Anyways... We're just saying that maybe we all should take this whole being friends thing in moderation."
Both of them stopped and thought for a minute.
Relena picked up her bag of things and made her way to her apartment. She stood in the doorway with Heero.
"And Duo, you can keep the skirt. And you can get your suit back in the morning."
"This horrid thing? I'll just burn it. Same goes for the priest digs."
"But you know I love you."
"See your show in two weeks?" Relena winked at Duo.
The braided boy winked back. "I'm counting on you and Heero to be there."
Heero and Hilde shook their heads. This was going to be a very interesting start.
End Episode 1
Additional Author's Notes: More Hilde in this one, Relena and Duo finally reveal their friendship, and Heero is actually developing a personality! Okay, more Gundam guys to come. So don't forget to review!