Chapter 14 - WWW: World Wide Weezer
By Shinju Meg Uchuno and Star Otaku
Star's Notes: We found another missing one over the course of the summer! Another one of our wacky speculations on how the world would be run with Rivers in charge. Prepare for some major power trips, and not just on the band's part...
Shinju's Notes: Power trips? Hell, I'd say they're entitled to them. It's Weezer, for God's sake. ::smirks:: Who wouldn't want the world ruled by them? Now, where did I put my slave girl outfit?
[An elaborate palace somewhere in Japan. It's Weezer's international headquarters. Look inside the palace throne room to find Rivers Cuomo, dressed like the emperor of the world, pacing up and down nervously. Mikey Welsh sits languidly in Rivers' throne.]
Rivers: *stops pacing* *looks at Mikey* What's today's order of business?
Mikey: Rewriting the map of Tokyo.
Rivers: *waves his hand* As Emperor, I decree Tokyo will be the world geisha capital with all them Japanese girls as my special biotches. Next!
Mikey: *rolls his eyes* Typical. *sighs* Rewriting the map of the world. We were right in the middle of annexing Siberia.
Rivers: Siberia?! That cold, desolate, and miserable hell hole?
Mikey: That's right.
Rivers: Okay, all the old Communist gulags will be converted into Pinkerton CD holding warehouses. And rename that place Pinkerton-land. *goes back to pacing*
Mikey: Hey Riv, relax!
Rivers: I can't. I can't believe it. I'm emperor of the world, I have all sorts of desirable women throwing themselves at me, and I'm still full of so much angst.
Mikey: Then why don't you do what you do best?
Rivers: Of course! I'll write a song about my tortured soul! Quick, I need pen and paper.
Mikey: *claps hands* Slave girls! Master Cuomo needs his stationary!
[Immediately, the first slave girl runs in with a stylized pen and pad. It's none other than Star Otaku!]
Star: *bows* Oh great master, the stationary you requested.
Rivers: Don't forget my guitar. The one with the stickers... and my KISS guitar strap too!
Mikey: *claps* And the guitar!
[Second slave girl runs in, with said guitar and strap. It's Shinju Meg Uchuno!]
Shinju: *bows* Hai, Rivers-sama. Your hallowed axe.
Rivers: Thanks biotches, and I mean that in the nicest way. Now, please leave. The creative process works better when I'm alone.
Mikey: C'mon girls, get the champagne filled jacuzzi ready. I'm in the mood for a dip. *smiles*
[The two girls set the items down and slowly back out of the throne room, bowing hyperactively until they're out the doors with Mikey.]
Shinju: *grins* I love being a slave girl.
Star: Oh yeah! But I wonder how Giri and Rigi are doing in the Weez army...
[Out in the middle of a training field, the troops are all grouped in a square formation. Brian Bell and Pat Wilson, specially decorated officers and heads of the Weez army, pace the front row. Lo and behold, at the front are Shinju and Star's bishounen, Girijo and Rigijo.]
Girijo and Rigijo: *groan* The things we do for our girls...
Brian: Welcome soldiers to the Rebel Weezer Alliance!
Pat: Though it's a bit oxymoronic. How can we be a rebel army when we're actually the ones in power?
Brian: Don't get into semantics. Today, we'll be mounting a mass attack against the underground dissident teeny bopper factions.
Pat: They refuse to bow to the world Weezer order, so they'll put up one hell of a fight. Take no prisoners... if necessary.
Brian: Meanwhile, Pat and I will lead the team that will apprehend their leaders: Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears...
Pat: Once they're in our custody, they will be rehabilitated, just like Jeri Ryan's character, Seven of Nine, on Star Trek: Voyager!
Brian: *gives Pat a weird look* Man, why can't you like Star Wars like the rest of us? *ahem* Or like Darth Vader's conversion back to Anakin Skywalker at the end of Return of the Jedi.
Pat: *glares* You're just gonna turn this into a sci-fi pissing contest, aren't you? Babylon Five.
Pat: Ha! That was a Gene Roddenberry creation!
Brian: Crap. Let's just get to the attack. All troops, take arms, and eliminate those teeny boppers!
Star says, stay tuned. There's anticipation for more on this section. I want to just say, any Weezites out there who want to give their input or suggestions for any more additions or want to make an addition, feel free to e-mail either me or Shinju!