Disclaimer: I don't own Molson beer or the commercial. I also don't own Dragon Ball Z or its characters.
Author's Notes: I thought that I'd put this up for your amusement. If you've seen the commercial, you'll know how funny it is! Now, I decided to do a parody of this for your reading enjoyment. This is dedicated to all you DBZ humour fans!
The Saiyan Rant
*A man in a plaid shirt and jeans steps up onto a stage and walks up to the microphone.*
Man: I am not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo, eat blubber or own a dogsled-
Vegeta: Get off the stage!
*A ki blast is thrown at the man and he becomes ashes.*
Goku: Vegeta, that wasn't very nice. Now I have to get up there and apologize to everyone for you.
Vegeta: Go ahead Kakarrot. I'd like to see you make a fool of yourself, again.
*Goku steps up onto the stage and takes the microphone*
Goku: I'd just like to say that-
Someone in the crowd: C'mon, break the stereotypes! Speech! Speech!
*The crowd start to chant.*
Goku: Um, okay. I'm not a simpleton or an idiot. I live in a Capsule house, eat a lot and own a flying cloud. I know Vegeta, Bulma, and Chi-Chi from Chikyuu, and I'm certain that they are very nice. I have a sensei, not a master. I pronounce it "hell", not "HFIL". I can proudly sew my sensei's emblem on my gi. I believe in coexisting, not conquering; defense, not offense, and that the dragon is a proud and noble animal. A senzu is a bean. A tail is an extra limb. And it's "the afterlife", OK, not "the other dimension", the afterlife. Chikyuu is the Earth, the holder of the dragon balls, and has the best fighters. My name is Goku, and I am a Saiyan!
*Silence, and a cricket chirps. Then wild cheering is heard.*
Goku: *bows* Thank you. *steps off the stage*
Additional Author's Notes: Joe, I'm sorry I let Vegeta blast you. Can you recite the rest of that speech?
Joe: "I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo, eat blubber or own a dogsled. I don't know Jimmy, Suzie or Sally from Canada, although I'm certain they're very nice. I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it "a-bout" not "a-boot." I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation, and that the beaver is a proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat. A chesterfield is a couch. And it's pronounced Zed, OK, not Zee, Zed. Canada is the second-largest land mass, the first nation of hockey and the best part of North America. My name is Joe and I am Canadian. Thank you."
This is now the Canadian battle cry, and we are proud to say it. If you've seen the commercial, you'll know how funny, yet true, it is. So let's break those Maple Leaf myths!