Disclaimer: I don't own Molson beer or the commercial. I also don't own Dragon Ball Z or its characters.
Author's Notes: A sequel to "The Saiyan Rant". Dayna suggested that this fic be done. This is dedicated to all you DBZ humour fans!
The Namek Rant
Goku: *bows* Thank you. *steps off the stage*
*People get up from their seats and start to leave.*
Piccolo: *in the back of the audience* I could do better than that...
Dende: Then go up there! You'd make all of us Nameks proud.
*Piccolo flies up to the stage and grabs the microphone.*
Piccolo: Wait! Everyone, I have something to say-
Crowd: *gets back in their seats* *chanting* Speech! Speech! Speech!
Piccolo: Will you all shut up?!
*The crowd falls silent.*
Piccolo: Alright. Now, I'm not a monster or a demon. I live in the desert, drink water and own a turban. I know Dende, Nail, and Kami from Namek, and I'm certain that they are very nice. I have an elder, not a president. I pronounce it "hell", not "HFIL". I can't sew anything. I believe in sparring, not studying; regeneration, not amputation, and that green is a proud and noble colour. A cape is a weight. An egg is a means of reproduction. And it's "Makankosappo", OK, not "the beam cannon", Makankpsappo. Namek was a planet, the holder of the healers, and is the first nation of the dragon balls. My name is Piccolo, and I am a Namek!
*Silence. A cricket chirps.*
Vegeta: You really screwed that one up, green man!
Goku: At least I like it. Even though he used one of my lines.
*Piccolo smacks himself on the head.*
Additional Author's Notes: Joe, for those readers who haven't seen the first one, can you recite it again?
Joe: I'm really tired of doing this...
Do it, or else I sic Vegeta on you. And probably even Piccolo.
Joe: Eep. "I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo, eat blubber or own a dogsled. I don't know Jimmy, Suzie or Sally from Canada, although I'm certain they're very nice. I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it "a-bout" not "a-boot." I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation, and that the beaver is a proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat. A chesterfield is a couch. And it's pronounced Zed, OK, not Zee, Zed. Canada is the second-largest land mass, the first nation of hockey and the best part of North America. My name is Joe and I am Canadian. Thank you." *mutters* Can't come up with a new 0line for pronunciation.
That's it! Vegeta! Piccolo! That's the guy who started this whole thing!
Vegeta: You won't escape... MY WRATH!!!
Piccolo: Yo' gonna get whack, fo'!
*Joe runs, screaming, while Vegeta and Piccolo chase him.*
If you haven't seen the commercial yet, I suggest you get a satellite dish that receives Canadian channels. Or suffer the same fate as Joe!