Disclaimer: I own myself. As for the concept, it belongs to whoever started the whole line of 50s educational films.
Author's Notes: I was watching "That 70's Show" and I was inspired again to do another educational film.
Red Font! The Dangers of Flaming
*The words: "Star Otaku in..." flicker on the screen, followed by the title "Red Font! The Dangers of Flaming", which is shown in black and white.*
*The scene changes to show Star Otaku standing in her usual clothes (rectangular glasses, blue button up shirt with elbow length sleeves, cargo khakis, and a pair of ratty old Reeboks) in black and white. Cheezy fifties education film music is playing in the background.*
Star Otaku: *waves with her lunch bag in hand* Hello again children! You may remember me from "A Public Service Announcement", discussing the dangers of bad fanfiction. Now, I present to you all something that is even worse: flaming.
*Star Otaku strolls down along a friendly looking street way with little shops along the way. She stops in front of a dark and menacing alleyway between two small buildings.*
Star Otaku: This looks like a nice little community, don't you think? It seems that all the authors, and readers, here are friendly enough. But that's what you think. *enter sinister music here: Dun dun dunn~nn*
*The cheesy music continues. And a lost and nerdy looking author is wandering down the street. In his hand, he carries a little pencil.*
Star Otaku: Let's take a look at this young person. He's quite new to the fanfiction community and hopes to be welcome and accepted.
*As the boy passes the alley, a hand sticks out and starts to beckon him to come inside. Confused, the boys looks around, points at himself, and then steps into the alley.*
Star Otaku: We've just seen the beginning of a young author who will throw his whole career and reputation away. Let's watch some more.
*The sinister music begins, and continues to play. Inside the alley, he meets with a young punk with a leather jacket and his gang of ruffians.*
Leather Jacket Punk: Yo, boy. You's news here's, aren't cha?
Young Author: Oh yes! I think that writing is just swell! Don't you chaps agree?
*The gang responds by grunting incoherently and cracking their knuckles.*
Leather Jacket Punk: Oh, we's all loves da writing. We's loves writin' flames!
*The gang then takes out a bunch of flame throwers out from behind them.*
Young Author: Say, those things don't look very safe. Maybe you should drop those things and join me over some humour fics. My treat! It'll be just keen!
Leather Jacket Punk: We's gonna show you's sumthin even more keen.
*The punk grabs another flame thrower, plucks the pencil out of the boy's hand, and stuffs the handle of the flame thrower in the boy's grasp.*
Young Author: Um, what am I supposed to do with this?
Leather Jacket Punk: You's s'posed ta flames peeps wit dis.
Young Author: Flame? That's just downright mean and inconsiderate.
Leather Jacket Punk: Dat's da point! You's gotta get dem first before dey get ya! Boys, why dun we give 'im a go?
*The scene changes to that of night, and an experienced author is standing on their street corner with a film projector and screen, showing their story. Some of the people who have finished watching the story write down their reviews and put them in a ballot box beside the author's feet.*
*Across the street, the gang of punks and the young author are holding their flame throwers ready.*
Leather Jacket Punk: Okay boy, dis is your lucky break. Don't blow it! Nows go!
*The young author suddenly runs at the author's corner, screaming "You suck!" and waving the flame thrower around. The surprised author covers his arms up in defense as the flames catch fire to his trench coat. As the young author now turned flamer leaves, the older author begins to put out the edge of his clothes.*
Experienced Author: *shaking his fists* Damn flamer! At least I'm the bigger person here! I don't resort to these acts of childish immaturity and stupidity!
*The young author runs back to his "friends", who promptly congratulate him.*
Young Author: That was so empowering! Flaming is the bee's knees!
Flamer #1: u did good. how about teling him to f*** off next time????!!!!
Young Author: You betcha!
Leather Jacket Punk: Dat's good. Cuz we's gonna do it again!
*Show a montage of the gang of flamers going out on the town, flaming authors on their street corners and sometimes even tearing down their movie screens and torching their fics. Suddenly, show a picture of a calendar and the pages of the months falling off.*
*Now, months later, the young author has become a flamer, and he is dressed up like another punk, complete with leather jacket and slicked back hair. The whole gang is huddled up behind an alley watching a timid looking authoress set up her fic for the viewing public.*
Young Author: So that's our new hit? Doesn't look so new, we've already hit her and almost every story she's got.
Leather Jacket Punk: Dat's da whole point! You gotta get your kicks from those who dun do nuthin'! So everyone, move it!
*The flamer gang cocks their flame throwers and then storm upon the unsuspecting authoress. They yell profanities at her as they start to torch her street corner and her fic. She screams as her clothes suddenly catch fire and she's desperately trying to put them out. Soon, other readers and authors are alerted from their fics and rush to her rescue. The gang of flamers runs away from the scene.*
*When the crowd stops their rescue efforts after the flames are put out, the smoldering clothes and the heap that is the authoress lies on the ground. Someone turns her over, and her charred and soot covered face is revealed.*
Authoress: *cough* Alas, my promising career as a fanfiction writer has been tragically cut short because of flamers and their evil flames. If only... *gasp* if only, there was more tolerance around here. *dramatically closes her eyes and lolls her head back*
*Back at the alley, the gang of flamers are celebrating.*
Flamer #2: dat b**** din't kno wut waz cummin' to her!!!!!
Young Author: *solemnly* But we killed her. She's never going to come back.
Leather Jacket Punk: Dat's da point, dumbass!
Flamer #1: i feel like selebratin'!!! more flames!!!
*The gang of flamers cheer, and they move out of the alley, totting their flame throwers and cheering loudly in the street. But as they turn a corner, an angry lynch mob of authors and readers begin to march towards them, waving torches and pitchforks in the air and yelling loudly.*
Leather Jacket Punk: Get your flame throwers ready! We's gotta war ta fight!
*Soon, a massacre of flames begins and smoke and explosions fill the street. When the street fight is over, the dead bodies of the flamers and the burnt and soot covered authors and readers emerge from the fray. The survivors look upon the carnage and then turn away and walk back to their corners, triumphant, yet exasperated.*
Star Otaku: Flaming hurts not only yourself, but others, reader and author alike. *sternly* This is happening in fanfiction sites and archives all over the web! Don't let this happen to you!
*The music stops as "The End" pops up, and then the credits roll until the film runs out.*
"Ninety percent of fanfiction out there is forgettable. Nine percent is just utter crap. And one percent you never forget. We're in it for the one percent." - Animethon 7 Fanfiction Panel