Disclaimer: I don't Dragon Ball Z or its characters. I also don't own the musical, "Little Shop of Horrors", I don't know who it belongs to, but it certainly isn't me!
Author's Notes: On May 3, 2000, that fateful day, I saw the musical, "Little Shop
of Horrors" on a school field trip. *sigh* What a strange love story!
I thought I'd do it DBZ style! *ducks blunt objects that are being thrown*
Don't worry, there are no cheesy musical outbreaks and numbers! *mutters*
'Cept for the odd song reference and redid lyric here or there.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna try to stay true to both the original Japanese DBZ (although details of Cell are a bit sketchy), and make a mix of the play and movie. And for those of you who don't know what a dojo is, it's a building in which to practice martial arts.
Anyhoo, on with the fic, some light out of characterness (OOC), and give my regards to Broadway. I just had to say that!
Dedications: This fanfic is dedicated to the following teachers who were present to chaperone (names have been changed to protect the innocent): Mr. Hopsh*t, Ms. Fish, Mr. db-Z, and the rest. You know who you are!
Little Dojo of Horrors (Act 1)
Narrator: One day, the little planet called Chikyuu suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely, of places...
(Scene: Bulma, 18, and Videl are lounging in front of a shabby looking dojo.)
Videl: How's business, Bulma?
Bulma: A bit slow, but we'll manage.
18: All we have to do is find some suckers. I got a new scam I wanna try out.
Bulma: Well you know it ain't easy living downtown...
Videl: The streets are mean...
18: And it's hard to find an honest face...
18, Bulma, Videl: *start to get up and sing* When you live in Satan City-
Master Roshi: *bursts through the door* Will you girls quit laying about! You'll make my business look bad! Unless, you'd all like to come in and work, if you get my drift...
(The girls rush to Master Roshi and start to beat him.)
18, Bulma, Videl: No way! Leave us alone, you old pervert!
Master Roshi: *weakly* I just wanted you to sweep the floors and make some lunch for me since Chi-Chi is running late...
Chi-Chi: *running down the street and stops at the dojo* Good morning, Master Roshi!
Master Roshi: Morning?! It's way past lunch, 2:00 to be exact! Goku and I have been waiting forever for you!
Chi-Chi: Sorry. *comes inside the dojo*
(Scene: Inside is a large room filled with various gym equipment off to the sides, but an open area in the middle. We can hear in descript yelling and banging.)
Chi-Chi: Have you seen Goku? I'm ready to make lunch for everyone! *turns to put away her coat*
Roshi: That's some nasty bump on your head there. Was it that boyfriend of yours? *pause* You know, I don't think he's such a nice guy at all. In fact, he never was!
Chi-Chi: I don't want to talk about it. Now where's that Goku?!
Goku: *crashing through one of the rice paper walls* Chi-Chi! It's great to see you! Ready to make lunch? I'm starving.
Roshi: Give the poor girl a break! She can only cook so much for you, ya slob.
Chi-Chi: No, I don't mind. I like to cook.
Roshi: Try not to use up too much of the food. We're on a tight budget here. *thinks for a minute* In fact, you two shouldn't come back in the morning. I'm tired of having no profits! We're packing up.
Chi-Chi: You don't mean that!
Goku: No! You can't do that!
Roshi: Face it, business is failing. What good is a dojo in the middle of Satan City? I mean, who'd want self-defense courses in a bum city like this?
Goku: Hold that thought. I've got something that pick up business! *runs back through the hole in the wall* *comes back holding a Cell Jr.* Ta-da!
Roshi and Chi-Chi: *peer in closer* What is it?
Goku: I call it a *blushes* Chi-Chi 2! It sure looks like a good punching bag, or sparring partner. If only it moved!
Chi-Chi: *blushing* You named it after me? That's so sweet.
Goku: All you have to do is just put it out by the front and people will just come inside! *places Cell Jr. by the door*
Roshi: You can't expect something as strange as this to just get business booming!
Yamcha: *pokes his head inside* What is that strange thing outside?
Goku: It's a Chi-Chi 2!
Yamcha: Wow! How did you come across something like this?
Goku: Well, I don't want to make a big production number out of it... But I was walking the forest when I blinded by a strange flash of light. I stumbled around for a bit, until I bumped into a little egg thingy. So I took it here and tried to hatch it, and this little fella came out of it.
Yamcha: What an interesting story! And since I'm here, I think I'll sign up for classes on how to make a Kamehameha blast!
Roshi: Thanks! That'll be 100 zenni.
Yamcha: Thanks! I'll see you tomorrow! *leaves the dojo*
Roshi: For once in your life, you actually did something right!
Goku: Alright! *Cell Jr. wilts* Oh no! Not again!
Roshi: That little money-maker can't get sick! You go to the back and make it better!
Goku: Yes sir! *exits through the hole in the wall*
Roshi: And while you're at it, fix that hole you made!
Chi-Chi: I gotta go! I can't be late for my date! *leaves the dojo*
(Scene: Goku is in the back room, and we see that the wall has been boarded up where he previously burst through. He's checking over a sick looking Cell Jr.)
Goku: C'mon! Do something! Punch me, kick me! Quit falling over with every blow! *charges up his fist and punches Cell Jr.* *his fist becomes stuck as he punches through* AAHH!!
Cell Jr.: *absorbs some of Goku's energy* *releases Goku's fist* *perks up, looking healthy again*
Goku: That's what you want! Some of my ki! *singing* Then you'll grow for me!
(Scene: 18, Bulma, Videl, and Master Roshi are crowding around a little radio.)
18: It's almost on! Turn it up, turn it up!
Videl: Where is Chi-Chi? I thought she'd be here by now!
Bulma: She's on a date with her *shudders* boyfriend.
Announcer: And here with us today is the young and aspiring martial artist, Goku Son. Now, you have with you the Chi-Chi 2. Can you tell us any more about it?
Goku: I guess there's nothing more to say.
Bulma: He sounds better on the radio!
Announcer: And how does it feel to be the owner of such a wonderful discovery?
Goku: It feels great.
Roshi: Don't forget to tell them about the dojo! Advertise! Advertise!
Goku: And before I go, I want to mention that the Chi-Chi 2 will be seen at the Kame House Dojo. And don't forget to sign up for lessons!
18, Bulma, Videl: Yay!
Roshi: He forgot to give out the address!
(Goku turns around the corner with Cell Jr. in his arm.)
Goku: Hiya everyone!
Videl: Goku! I never realized how handsome you look today!
18: Mitts off of him! Hey Goku, care to lend me some cash?
Bulma: I guess someone as successful as you can afford a partner in this little venture...
Roshi: Girls! Girls! Let me get a chance to talk to him first! And old man does have his last wishes. Now, Goku, you forgot to tell them about the address! But, it's still good advertising, so I'll go inside and you better prepare the Chi-Chi 2 for visitors! *goes inside the dojo*
Goku: Coming, Master Roshi. See ya girls. *follows after Roshi*
18, Bulma, Videl: Aaawww... Oh well, see ya later Goku! *wave good-bye*
(Scene: Chi-Chi is limping down an alley way, trying to take a shortcut to her work. She stops as she meets the girls and the turned off radio.)
Chi-Chi: Hey Bulma, 18, Videl. *dejectedly* I missed Goku's big radio debut, didn't I?
Videl: You seem to have a little limp there. Let me guess, your boyfriend?
18: No need to explain. You know, you don't need that loser!
Chi-Chi: But he's the only guy I have!
Bulma: You have another guy. A certain messy haired, clumsy, and very successful martial artist.
Chi-Chi: Goku? I don't think I deserve a guy like him. He's too nice for me.
Videl: What's wrong with too nice? From what I'm seeing, it's a lot better than what you have.
18: It's real easy. You just blow off the jerk that you have and go for Goku.
Chi-Chi: It's not that easy. If he hurts me when he's happy, then just think of what'll happen when he's really angry!
Bulma: You should give Goku more credit. He's much more stronger than he seems.
Chi-Chi: Oh, but I do! I have a little dream...
18: C'mon, spit it out!
Chi-Chi: We'll share a little cabin, out in the woods. Getting back to nature. *starts to sing* That Goku, with a single punch, he'll bring down redwood trees. And I'll make lunch in our kitchen. It's only him I'll please-
Roshi: *yelling from inside the dojo* Chi-Chi, is that you out there? Get inside and get to work!
Chi-Chi: *stops singing* See ya girls. *goes inside to work*
(Scene: The dojo is closed, and inside there are sheets covering the equipment. Goku and Chi-Chi are sitting by makeshift desks, answering phones that are ringing off the hook.)
Goku and Chi-Chi: *answering phones* The dojo's closed for renovations! *phones keep ringing noisily*
Roshi: Quit making all that noise!
Goku: It's not our fault that everyone's flocking to see the Chi-Chi 2.
Chi-Chi: And look at the Chi-Chi 2! It's sure grown!
(Chi-Chi walks up to a cloth covering something in the middle of the room. She pulls down a cloth, revealing a bigger Cell Jr.)
Roshi: Look at the time, it's almost time for you all to be going home.
Chi-Chi: You're right! I really want to stay and help some more, but-
Roshi and Goku: You have a date!
Chi-Chi: Uh, yeah. But I think he did say he was going to be running late.
(Goku and Master Roshi facevault.)
Roshi: I'm going home. You two clean up, or something. *leaves*
(Scene: As Master Roshi leaves through the alley way, he passes by the girls. Vegeta, in his Saiyan armor, passes by the girls while on his way to the dojo.)
Videl: Hold it right there, mister!
Vegeta: What do you want?!
18: You might want a little insurance when passing through these dangerous streets... *holds out her hand*
Vegeta: I'm just on my way to the dojo.
Bulma: If you want to see the Chi-Chi 2, you'll just have to wait until tomorrow. Unless, you'd like special preview. All you have to do is pay up.
(Vegeta takes out some money and hands it to 18.)
18: Ha ha! The dojo really is closed! Got your money, sucker.
Vegeta: I'm on my way to pick up my girlfriend, not hang out with a bunch of punching bags. Although I see three of them right here.
Bulma: So you're Chi-Chi's boyfriend!
(The girls start to gang up on Vegeta.)
18: I should break your arm, right here, right now.
Videl: Yeah. The same way you broke Chi-Chi's arm.
(The girls grab Vegeta and are ready to beat him senseless.)
Vegeta: Now, now! Pain is a part of my practice!
Bulma: Alright, explain this first. Then, maybe we'll let you pass. Sing, stool pigeon!
Vegeta: I'll right, I'll sing. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Vegeta. It all started when my father noticed my strange behaviour as a child. Like blasting purple aliens to another dimension and such. So, he said that I should become a chiropractor. I just love the way joints can bend in ways you never thought possible. And the cracking sound!
18: *disgusted* Now that he's sung, you can go on your way. But we're watching you!
(The girls let Vegeta go. He dusts himself off and makes his way to the dojo.)
(Scene: Goku and Chi-Chi are sweeping up the inside of the dojo.)
Goku: Gee Chi-Chi, you're looking real nice tonight.
Chi-Chi: Thanks. It's for my boyfriend.
Goku: Too bad you can't stay here. I mean, I'm just so busy with everything, I don't know how I can take the time to have a little fun. Like go out to a movie.
Chi-Chi: You can wait until it comes out on video.
Goku: Or just eat out at some fancy restaurant.
Chi-Chi: Eh. The food might not actually taste that great.
Goku: Or fly around the city!
Chi-Chi: You shouldn't do that! Flying so high, it's dangerous. You could fall and hurt yourself.
Goku: I never knew.
Chi-Chi: You know, maybe I can help you have a little recreation. Why don't we go shopping for some gis. You don't want to go to every meeting looking like a bumpkin.
Goku: You actually want to go out and do something with me? Thanks!
Chi-Chi: *smiles* No problem. *stops sweeping* I think I better get ready for my date now. Vegeta's probably off of work. *leaves the room*
(Vegeta enters the dojo. He looks around for Chi-Chi and walks up to Goku.)
Goku: The dojo's closed.
Vegeta: I'm just here for my date. Hey! You're the kung-fu guy! *punches Goku hard in the shoulder and gives him a kick in the shin* I am Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyans, er, chiropractors!
Goku: *rubs his shoulder* Um, yeah. And you must be here for Chi-Chi. Don't worry, she'll be out soon.
Vegeta: *shouting* Woman! Get out here quickly, or you know what I might have to do!
Chi-Chi: *runs into the room* I'm here, Vegeta.
Vegeta: Anyways, you should branch out on your own, you know? Dump the old guy. This little shack is just bringing you down.
Chi-Chi: Goku wouldn't do that! He's very loyal.
Vegeta: Did I talk to you woman?!
Chi-Chi: No, your highness.
Vegeta: I almost forgot. We have a date to get to. You just think about that little suggestion I told you. You could make a bundle.
Chi-Chi: I'm sure you'll have the pod ready, huh?
Vegeta: Of course I do. Now get moving! *chases Chi-Chi out the door*
(Goku sighs and gets back to sweeping. He passes by Cell Jr.)
Cell Jr.: *faintly* Feed me...
Goku: Huh? I must be overworked. I thought I heard someone talking to me.
Cell Jr.: *jumps up and whacks Goku across the head* It was me, kisama! I'm getting weak from hunger, and you know what that means.
Goku: You can walk and talk! More business for the dojo!
Cell Jr.: It doesn't end there. You can have more than just money and fame. How about a certain bun-headed girl who knows how to cook a fine meal?
Goku: *sighs and gets dreamy* I'd give anything for Chi-Chi. *snaps out of it* But I don't have any more energy for you! You nearly sucked me dry! And with all the interviews and appearances I have to make...
Cell Jr.: So just give me someone who can provide.
Goku: You want me to give you a whole person? I can't do that, it'd be murder! Just give me a few days to get my strength back, and you can have all that you want, okay?
Cell Jr.: Any more, and you just might lose all that you have. So feed me. I'm sure you must know someone who deserves that fate.
(Shouts are heard from outside. They turn to look out the window, and they see Vegeta ready to beat Chi-Chi.)
Cell Jr.: See something you like?
Goku: *angrily* Yes. Vegeta! I'll get rid of him, and Chi-Chi won't have to bear with him for another day! A creep like him deserves to be ki fodder! *weakly* But I'll do it in the morning.
Cell Jr.: Heh heh heh.
(Scene: Goku is in Vegeta's office. He looks around nervously.)
Vegeta: *walks in reading a chart* Did you make an appointment? *looks up* Oh! It's you! The guy with the sparring partner thing, with the dojo-
(Goku holds a charged fist in Vegeta's face.)
Vegeta: And with the ki blast to me head. *shoves Goku's fist aside* Afraid of seeing me?
Goku: *powers down* Well, I-
Vegeta: It doesn't matter now, since you're a big shot and all.
Goku: If you say so-
Vegeta: I hope you signed the waver. You know, saying I'm not responsible for any broken limbs, paralysis, death... Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Goku: Waver? Death?
Vegeta: It doesn't matter. Now, let me get something to make this much more easier for us. Some beans!
Goku: An herbal anesthetic? Thanks!
Vegeta: The beans aren't for you, they're for me. *pops a senzu bean in his mouth and powers up* Woohoo! Now, get on the table here.
Goku: *thinking* Do it now, while he's powered up and flying high.
(Vegeta pops more senzu beans in his mouth and starts getting high. He stuff his mouth full of beans until it seems like he's choking. He stumbles around, grabbing at his neck.)
Goku: I'm now in for a moral dilemma. Let him choke to death, or kill him myself!
Vegeta: *half-garbled, half-singing* Don't be fooled if I look buffed up and start to glow. I'm choking to death, and that's a really awful way to go.
(Vegeta continues to stumble around while Goku only watches on.)
Vegeta: *half-garbled, half-singing*All my vital signs are failing cause of all the beans I'm inhaling makes it difficult as hell to catch my breath. Are you dumb or hard of hearing? Or relieved my end is nearing? Are you satisfied? I choked myself to... *collapses to the ground* (Death).
(Scene: Goku is dragging Vegeta's glowing body through the rain to the dojo. He drops his load in front of Cell Jr.)
Goku: There. I did what you said. Now, no more killing. I'm going to bed, although I don't think I'll be getting much sleep. *leaves*
Cell Jr.: For now. *absorbs Vegeta's body*
(When Cell Jr. is done absorbing Vegeta, he laughs maniacally as lightning strikes outside.)
Additional Author's Notes: In trying to stay true to both the play version and movie version, please tell me which ending you like. If you loyal readers want, I'll even put in both endings! I credit the following web-sites for helping me put this together: From Stage to Screen: Little Shop of Horrors and Little Shop of Horrors. Again, sorry for the OOC, and keep those reviews coming!